Dates With Kate Episode #25

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On this episode of the ‘Dates With Kate’ podcast, my special guest is Danielle Campoamor who is, simultaneously, the most talked about and hated woman in Seattle for her column about how men in Seattle are blowing it when it comes to dating (you can read her column here)! She sat down with me to further explain her position, talk about the crazy reaction her column is getting and we discuss what both men AND women can do to make meeting people easier. Come take a listen!

 

Posted on by Kate in The Podcast

3 Responses to Dates With Kate Episode #25

  1. Adam

    To whatever degree I agree or disagree with someone’s subject matter or opinions, I always respect someone who’s willig to put their name and face on a website or newspaper when commenting on a potentially touchy subject that effects such a wide swath of the population.

  2. Rex

    Thanks for talking openly about a subject that fascinates me. It’s rare for me to hear an honest discussion from the female point of view.

    I’m a Seattle native and exhibit the same reluctant behavior as described. I can’t speak specifically for others, but, since I’m the type of guy that inspired Danielle’s column, I figured my perspective may be worthwhile.

    Some of the discussion seemed to reflect a “cake and eat it too” desire. If a woman feels she is not finding a meaningful relationship, it’s easy to say that more men should approach and audition. The woman is in the power position when a man approaches her. The “approacher” has clearly implied that “approachee” is attractive and possibly worthwhile. Conciously or not, I believe the approachee knows this. It’s true that regardless of approaching or not, the approacher will be back in same corner again as if he never attempted. The difference is that the approacher returns to the corner with yet another rejection (implication – “not worthy”). Meanwhile, the approachee has another vote of confidence, with a minimum of emotional vulnerability, because someone found you attractive and interesting enough to, metaphorically, ask “Do you think I’m worthy/attractive/interesting?”

    Speaking only for myself, here’s a rationalization for you. I’m guessing that women don’t want to waste their time dating someone with a “deal-breaker” issue. As self-awareness sets in, I have a better understanding of what deal-breakers I bring to the table and if you were to list your top 5 (Kate – I know some of yours; thanks to your episodes) I likely embody at least 3 of them. How many of the men not approaching you, rationally or not, haven’t done so because they understand they have deal-breakers and believe from observation/interactions that it’s, practically speaking, a lost cause to ask for a date?

    You might suggest working on those deal-breaker issues to make one more marketable. For some, like myself, this brings to fore an irony often seen from, arguably, the most common advice for the dating challenged – “Just be yourself”. More often than not, in my experience, when one begins to go forth with that advice more advice usually follows. Such as, “Let’s get you some new clothes and new hairstyle. Don’t talk about some of your hobbies and act more [insert desirable characteristic here].” Changing the way I dress and act is not “being myself”.

    Does that make you say, accurately mind you, “Well, you won’t get many dates that way.”? Hence one of the reasons I’m one of those Seattle guys that doesn’t bother approaching someone I’m attracted to. If it’s between being myself and being something I’m not, I’m going to be myself and forego dating. I’m sure women don’t want a guy to misrepresent himself and waste her time.

  3. Chris

    Danielle is one of those weird women, who will never find anyone appropriate for her. She’s “looking for love in all the wrong places,” like bars. Go back to Alaska, Dani, where the men are macho. Clearly, you’re not evolved enough for a sensitive guy.

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