Jonathon

After fending off the aging Cassanova Wild John and the schizophrenic Johnny, the last thing I was even remotely interested in was a guy whose name started with a ‘J’. It just did not seem to be working out for me. It was clearly time for another letter of the alphabet for my dating pool.  Wouldn’t luck have it, then, that I soon got an email from Jonathon and, dang it, he was pretty attractive.  Some rules seemed to be made to be broken.

Jonathon had a shaved head, wrote fun, non-cookie-cutter-type emails, was a Seattle native and I was just impressed with his…vibe. We wrote a few messages back and forth and, just for kicks, I asked him if he would be up for meeting for a drink sometime. I usually wait for a guy to ask me out, another one of those strange, antiquated dating rules that most people seem to go by, but I was by no means opposed to being the instigator and, well, Jonathon was kind of floating my boat. I wanted to see if he was as fetching in person.

I sent the email inviting Jonathon out for a drink late morning on a Monday and, when I hadn’t heard anything back from him by Tuesday afternoon, I figured I had officially been dissed. Some people like the thrill of the email chase but, when it comes down to actually meeting face-to-face, they are no longer so brave or interested. If there is anything to learn from online dating it is that people come to the table with infinite amounts of baggage and issues that will get you your feelings hurt in short order if you are not careful. I had counted Jonathon out of the rotation when, on Wednesday, I got what turned out to be an ominous email.

“So, Kate,” it began, “I have a couple of prerequisites and standards for dating that I am kind of picky about and I would like to clear them up before we meet.” Well, this was new. When I have talked to men about what went wrong in their failed internet dates it oftentimes involves misleading statements regarding physical appearance. I have heard time and time again that women lie about their weight and men lie about their height. This is a very broad stereotype, of course, but, in my experience, I wouldn’t say it was far from the truth, at all, which made Jonathon’s insistence on having a phone meeting before an in-person meeting all the more unusual. How very interesting. I gave him my number and he said he would call me soon.

I left work the next day, where the guy who employs me was my boyfriend for five years, to go feed the cat of another ex-boyfriend, Aaron, since he was out of town. If at all possible I try to stay on good terms with guys I have dated because it is just better that way. Some of my best friends are guys I used to date and, to me, that has always been a cool way to roll. I was sitting on Aaron’s back porch, petting his cat, when my phone rang. It was time for the Jonathon interview! Sitting on my exes’ porch! Well, this was excellent timing!

The conversation with Jonathon started out a little stiff and awkwardly but, after a few minutes, we were both kind of laughing and things got a little easier. That is, they were easier before my test started. There was a pause in the conversation, Jonathon cleared his throat and said, “So, are you ready? I have about five questions to ask you and I would like you to be able to concentrate on the answers.” What? Sorry? Had I been arrested and someone hadn’t told me? Was he about to read me my Miranda rights? Exactly five questions and they were hard enough that I would really have to mull them over? This was not going the way I had anticipated.

“Ok. First question. If you and I were seriously dating and a guy asked you to go out for dinner, would you go?” As much as Jonathon’s first question raised warning flags, it was a pretty easy answer. “If we had decided to not date other people, then, of course, I wouldn’t go,” I replied. Jonathon approved with that response and I moved on to round two. “What if he was just a friend and he wanted to go have coffee? Would you agree to that?” Uh-oh. I think I saw where this was heading.

I apparently had a jealous freak on my hands. Before I answered I really did use that concentration Jonathon thought that I needed. I could either lie to this guy and tell him what he wanted to hear which was that I would never dream of associating in any way with other men or I could tell him the truth and save us both a lot of time and pain. Hell, I had just left one-ex boyfriend’s office and had another one’s cat in my lap. The time for the truth had come. “Well, yes, if we were just friends, then, yes, I would have coffee with a guy. Not as a date, of course, but as friends. I am ok with that.”

I could tell right away that I had failed the test. Jonathon, being a good sport, gave me question number three but I could tell from his voice that he was so not going to take me up on that offer for a drink. “Well, if I told you that it was completely, and I do mean completely, unacceptable for you to see other men if I was not present, how would you feel about that? I mean, as in I would forbid it?” Hmmm, control-freak much, Jonathon? I almost lied just so, out of complete curiosity, I could see what he would possibly ask me on the next two questions. Jonathon obviously had some money he needed to spend on therapy but I was not interested going along for the ride.

“That would not be ok with me, Jonathon. I am sorry. I have guy friends and I am a trust-worthy girl so, well, that wouldn’t fly.” The phone line went absolutely silent. It appeared we had come to a bit of an impasse. “Well, Kate, it seems like our standards are extremely different and I don’t know that we would make a good match. I hope you find someone who is more like…you.” I felt like I had been insulted, and I probably had, but I didn’t notice because I was too busy thanking my lucky stars I hadn’t encountered this dude in a bar. The universe was obviously trying to tell me something and I vowed that this would be my last ‘J’ date for a long time. Lucky (?) for me there were still 25 other letters in the dating alphabet.

Posted on by Kate in The Dates

4 Responses to Jonathon

  1. Phil

    I guess I’m going backwards in terms of chronological order here but you’ve caught my attention (like a fish on a hook) and stirred my curiosity. One word comment for the “Jonathan” post: Funny.

  2. allen

    i enjoy reading your stories, but on this one, an interesting bit of of info on you. a lot of guys would have a problem with you going out with your ex boyfriends, especially if you had slept with them, some maybe not. the fact that there is more than one that you keep as a “friend” would bother most. i think having one ex as a friend from a long term relationship would be understandable but several…? what if the guys you dated hung out with various ex girlfriends they had slept with…? i do not think you would be at as much ease with it as you think. the question is why you feel the need to keep these guys around as friends…? being a guy it seems like you are keeping them just interested enough to stick around just in case.

  3. Ryan

    Oh geez, what is the big deal about people having friends of the opposite sex, even from past relationships? If you are that insecure and/or distrustful then obviously that type of person is not for you and you need a serious self-confidence lesson. Here is a bit of interesting info for you; it is just as easy for a person to see someone behind your back if they want to. People will do whatever they want no matter how much you want otherwise. And typically the tighter you hold on to them, the more you squeeze them away. Anyway – Kate, I just found this blog today and think it is very interesting & funny. Only read about Marcus, Gregg, & this Jonathan, and all 3 seem like serious WHACKS! Especially the last guy! Good luck out there and be safe sweetie! – Ryan

  4. ColdFire

    If you come across any Ryans on Match.com, steer clear. Calling a stranger “sweetie” is probably the definition of creepy.

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