The Dates

Trent

Posted on11 December 2013 | 0 comments

guy drinking

In going out on dates with over 100 guys, I have met some socially-questionable and awkward people. Trent was the first guy that I encountered that I really thought was insane. I am still not convinced that he didn’t escape from a local mental hospital just so he could have a date with me. Read more

Adam

Posted on4 December 2013 | 0 comments

adult-braces

I like to think of myself as a girl that is not completely and totally obsessed with appearance – a bad haircut is not going to repel me – but sometimes looks do matter and, in the case of Adam, I was not just simply unattracted to him but borderline repulsed by his appearance. Sounds like a great start for a long and fruitful relationship, right? No, no, no and no. Read more

Wild John – The Retirement

Posted on27 November 2013 | 0 comments

obama-cool

Certain mind-control techniques and a massive amount of charm need to attributed to Wild John because I hopped right back on his motorcycle, almost perished once again on the return trip over the West Seattle Bridge and even agreed to keep seeing him. Looking back I can almost be impressed by the web he wove and the spells he cast but I am also baffled that I fell for it. It is not an experience I am incredibly proud of, falling for a 47-year-old, swaggering liar but such is the fun that is internet dating. Read more

Wild John Part II

Posted on20 November 2013 | 0 comments

Motorcycle

 

When Wild John offered me the chance to ride in the ‘Batmobile’ I knew it was probably a dangerous idea but I was also thrilled to take a ride with a superhero. When would I get that chance again? What followed was the most exciting car experience of my life and, not counting the ride Wild John took me on across the West Seattle Bridge on his motorcycle, the closest I have come to dying. We only sped around for about five minutes but, just like methamphetamine, I was hooked with that first hit. Wild John was dangerous, didn’t believe in rules and he was the closest I would ever come to dating a racecar driver. What wasn’t to love? Read more

Wild John Part I

Posted on13 November 2013 | 0 comments

2006-black-z06-corvette

One of the hardest things to manage while being an online dater is remembering which details belong to which guy. It was rare that I actively dated more than three guys at once but, even then, trying to remember who had a masters degree and who had never been to college, who had five siblings and who had none, who had a shrimp allergy and who couldn’t eat peanuts – it was not an easy thing to keep all of these things straight. After some time, I did manage to hone the skill fairly well but even I was challenged when I ended up dating three men named ‘John’ at the same time. I was forced to come up with nicknames for each so that I could keep track of them in my head. John #1 became ‘Wild John’ and he lived up to that moniker and then some. Read more

Marcus

Posted on6 November 2013 | 0 comments

Dwight

“I have your real email – scared yet?” The subject line of Marcus’ first personal message to me should have perhaps been a red flag about his mental stability but, not having had the pleasure of meeting him yet in person, it seemed like harmless, flirting fun. Hindsight is always 20/20, especially with online dating, and I will give Marcus props because, yes, indeed, he did end up scaring me. Read more

Daniel

Posted on30 October 2013 | 0 comments

Safeco

You know what is fun? Going to a Mariners game. You know what is not fun? Going to a Mariners game with a guy and having him not utter more than one-word replies for the whole game. In case you are not a sports fan, baseball games are 3 hours long. Read more

Leigh

Posted on23 October 2013 | 3 comments

couple-snow

As in all things, timing is everything when it comes to online dating. People enter into the dating arena at all stages of relationship readiness and sometimes you don’t find out until it is too late that the guy you are interested in has no business being out in the dating world. This was the case with Leigh, my next date, who should have come with a sign that said ‘emotionally unavailable’ hanging around his neck. I was not, however, so lucky as to get a warning so I was forced to find out the hard way. Read more

Rob Part II

Posted on16 October 2013 | 0 comments

crying-man

I always say that I will try anything once – fly fishing, sweetbreads, men that work with dead people – but I draw the line at sleeping in a car. I am not homeless, I am not destitute, they have come up with a crazy invention called a bed…nope, I don’t need to sleep in a vehicle. I know that technically camping is sleeping in the dirt, more or less, but that is more about roasting marshmallows and drinking around a campfire. I knew that Rob and I were probably not going to be soul mates when he suggested, almost insisted, that we ‘save money’ and sleep in his car on a future trip.  For multiple nights. It took a lot of self-control to not yell, “NEXT!” when he threw out that idea. But, other than that, we did have some good times. Read more

Rob Part I

Posted on9 October 2013 | 0 comments

hot.guy.working.out.10.000

One of the many things that online dating has taught me is that, among other things, I am a sucker for a muscular physique.   I am not proud of this focus-on-physical-attributes trait of mine, but at least I know it now and can try to use my brain to think around it. The first step is admitting I am powerless. This is a work in progress, though, which is why I ever started dating Rob in the first place and why he stuck around for a couple of months. Oh, the muscles.

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Tim

Posted on2 October 2013 | 0 comments

porsches

 

A girl should question a guy that doesn’t drink but makes sure to supply her with plenty of champagne that is sipped through a straw.

Tim had a very witty profile so I sent him a quick little email saying hello. He didn’t answer me right away but, when he did, he explained that the delay was because he had been in Spain for nine days, drinking and eating tapas. There are worse ways to spend a week. Our initial emails didn’t tell me much except that he worked for a huge local tech company, wasn’t that into sports (hmmm….) and loved to travel. Aside from his lack of sports knowledge he seemed decent so we decided to meet at a Starbucks in Seattle. Read more

Scott

Posted on25 September 2013 | 2 comments

tumblr_mguiujaOJb1rxr2cho1_500

After my last date had ended up with a guy naked on my bed with absolutely no encouragement on my end, I was more than ready for a fellow that was a just a tad less eager to accelerate the dating process. My next date, Scott, though, could barely summon up the motivation to lift his hand up to shake mine when we met. I would say that he maybe smiled twice during our conversation but that would probably be overstating things. How exciting! A guy that had chosen to have a drink with me instead of jumping off the top of a building! Fantastic. Read more

Jason

Posted on7 August 2013 | 0 comments

sex_orgio

After spending over a year dating a guy that was in the midst of a separation, waiting for him to get divorced, when I went back to online dating, I became very diligent about checking the relationship status of my future dates. I was cool with children and past marriages but the marriage part had to be that – in the past. I was definitely done with ‘pending’.  When I received the initial email from my next date, Jason, I was excited by what I read in his profile and was relieved to see his divorce papers were officially signed.  What I learned, however, is that divorced is a lot different than emotionally ready to move on. Read more

Erik

Posted on7 April 2013 | 7 comments

A surprising thing that has happened to me since I started trying to find love on the internet almost five years ago is the number of people I have met because of it that are not men from Match.com. I have made friends with people that read my blog and talked to all kinds of folks that are fellow fighters in the online dating wars. Read more

Simon

Posted on11 March 2013 | 1 comments

Normally when I’m writing about my online dates, I try to come up with a dating lesson or moral to the story like “don’t spit” or “don’t still be married” or “don’t email a guy for five weeks before you meet him”. But with my next date, Simon, there isn’t one thing that I can point to as to why we didn’t work out. Read more

Sean

Posted on16 February 2013 | 9 comments

I have found through my years of online dating that I have deal-breakers (Republican, crazy religious, homophobic, smoker) and then I have huge-issues-that-don’t-necessarily- spell- disaster (not yet divorced, more than one kid, vegan, soccer fan) that I can maybe, just maybe, work with. Read more

Richard

Posted on2 January 2013 | 3 comments

I have several tips that I give to all people that are thinking of dipping their toes into the online dating waters. First and foremost would be that you need to be ready. It is perfectly normal to have a long-relationship or marriage in your past but, before you inflict yourself on the dating public, Read more

Calum

Posted on23 October 2012 | 4 comments

I often find that when I am talking to someone who is considering online dating, one of the things that frightens them the most is coming across a serial dater. The thought of a ‘dating professional’, someone who is callous, cold-at-heart and constantly on the hunt makes them want to hide in their house and never come out.

Read more

Austin

Posted on26 August 2012 | 8 comments

With all of the online dating that I have done, more than one jerk has crossed my path.  Truthfully, though, the number of awful guys I have encountered is really, really small. I think one of the biggest misconceptions people have about dating in the ether is that it is full of criminals or freaks or sociopaths. Read more

Ben

Posted on13 June 2012 | 3 comments

Brett

 

More often than not, internet dating is boring. It generally consists of awkward conversations with fairly-nice guys that are so vanilla that you want to bang your head on the side of the table just to create some excitement. It is not they are bad people but, for the majority of my dates, I found myself trying be interested, and be interesting, in something that I was pretty sure I was not. Read more

Darren and Ryan

Posted on15 April 2012 | 2 comments

There is a delicate time continuum that exists in online dating that doesn’t seem to exist in other love negotiations. How long do you email and chat before an in-person meeting must occur? It was my good fortune to, within one week, meet both Ryan and Darren. Read more

Howard

Posted on23 February 2012 | 4 comments

woman_writing_422639386

When I think about the next man in the dating rotation, Howard, two things immediately come to mind. The first is that a girl should wait and withhold judgment until she has met a man at least twice with a minimum of one of those times being in a well-lit location. The second is that, for all of the good things I would say about online dating, my chief complaint is that I sometimes feel that it sucks the humanity right out of a person.

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Tom

Posted on15 January 2012 | 3 comments

In my online dating career, I have come across guys that fall all over the ‘ready to be dating’ spectrum. Some have been practically drooling they want a girlfriend so badly. I can practically smell the desperation wafting off of them. Read more

Travis and Josh

Posted on26 December 2011 | 1 comments

After I nearly choked on the vanilla pudding that was Dana, I actually met a really cool guy, Alex, dated him for eight months, took a trip together to Italy and ultimately decided, after we returned from the trip, that we made way better friends than romantic partners. Alex still remains one of my best friends but, once it didn’t work out with him, I once again decided to jump back into the dating pool. Read more

Dana

Posted on20 November 2011 | 1 comments

When I am giving counsel to people who are new to online dating, I always advise meeting in person as soon as at all possible. Why is this a good idea? Because it sometimes happens, when there are volumes of emails sent back and forth for weeks or an exceptionally well-written profile, to start to crush on an ‘idea’ of a date and not who the person is in the actual real world. And is also quite possible to really want to date that ‘idea’ and not the flesh and blood real-life person. This sets up a very unfortunate situation and is exactly what happened with my next man in the dating rotation, Dana. Read more

Leigh

Posted on31 October 2011 | 1 comments

As in all things, timing is everything when it comes to online dating. People enter into the dating arena at all stages of relationship readiness and sometimes you don’t find out until it is too late that the guy you are interested in has no business being out in the dating world. This was the case with Leigh, my next date, who should have come with a sign that said ‘emotionally unavailable’ hanging around his neck. I was not, however, so lucky as to get a warning so I was forced to find out the hard way. Read more

William

Posted on17 October 2011 | 9 comments

Horse

A friend of mine once told me that the good part of staying in a rut is that you have less chance of running off the road but I got the wild idea to apply the opposite theory to online dating. It seemed like I had been going out with the same type of guy over and over with almost no luck so maybe I just needed to change things up and go totally outside of my comfort zone. Stable, financially secure, well traveled and, most likely, working at a technology company? Not this time! Next up in the rotation was a minimally employed, destitute, vehicle free actor named William. Read more

Trent

Posted on3 October 2011 | 7 comments

As it is to vampires, daylight can be very harmful to internet dates.  A guy that can be all kinds of attractive and charming over a couple of drinks in a dimly lit bar will oftentimes, in my experience, lose those same qualities in the harsh light of day. The first date that I had with Trent was one of the best I ever had – it is a good sign if I don’t roll in back home until 5 a.m. – but, despite the initial buzz, Trent turned out to absolutely not be for me. Daylight can be so disappointing. Read more

Aaron

Posted on2 September 2011 | 3 comments

With some online dating candidates, there is an obvious and clear reason why a hope of any kind of further relationship is null and void. For example, as I have dated, I have added ‘still married’, ‘alarmingly bad teeth’, ‘inappropriate removal of clothing items’ and ‘gross misrepresentation of actual age’, among other things, to the list. But, more frustrating, there are the guys that have nothing obnoxiously wrong with them, they don’t, for example, kick dogs or still live at home, but there is just nothing…there. Something doesn’t click although, on the surface, the guy seems like a decent enough prospect. Read more

Adam

Posted on15 August 2011 | 8 comments

I like to think of myself as a girl that is not completely and totally obsessed with appearance – a bad haircut is not going to repel me – but sometimes looks do matter and, in the case of Adam, I was not just simply unattracted to him but borderline repulsed by his appearance. Sounds like a great start for a long and fruitful relationship, right? No, no, no and no. Read more

David

Posted on26 July 2011 | 12 comments

guy-cooking-eggs

When looking back on my dating career there are some guys that I am so glad I never, ever had to see again and then there are those that make me question my dating judgment. When I go back and read my emails from David and recall our short time together, I kind of want to kick myself. Was I being stupid and silly? Was I being impossibly picky? If there weren’t twenty other guys in the Match.com queue would I be so quick to dismiss such a worthy candidate? A girl starts to wonder. Read more

Gene

Posted on29 June 2011 | 2 comments

The longer a girl does online dating, the finer-tuned her sense becomes of things she can live with in a potential suitor and things that are absolute, non-negotiable dealbreakers. I had no idea, really, for example, until I met Gene, the next fellow in my dating rotation, how much I appreciated a sarcastic, haughty sense of humor. I figured it out pretty quickly. Read more

Jason and Chris

Posted on8 June 2011 | 4 comments

It is one thing to have a bad date, an uneventful evening or a disappointing encounter but it is a bit of a kick to the gut to have two of them within 24 hours. I was able to experience this wonderful rare occurrence one weekend when I met Jason on a Saturday evening and Chris for a Sunday beer.  A huge letdown of a night followed by a frightfest of an afternoon. How could a girl get so lucky? Read more

Brian

Posted on24 May 2011 | 1 comments

I admire and hold in high esteem people that don’t eat animals, adhere to Buddhist principles and are able to withstand the urge to pollute themselves with alcohol. I can find nothing bad to say about those attributes in a human being. I did discover, though, through my next date, Brian, that they are absolutely not qualities I should look for in a man. In fact, quite possibly, I should be on the lookout for the polar opposite. Read more

James

Posted on9 May 2011 | 2 comments

Just as it is in all things, a girl should listen to her sixth sense when it tries to tell her something about her newest online date. If it tells her that there is just something creepy about him, she should listen. If it tells her that he isn’t just assertive but is really an aggressive jerk, she should listen. And, as I have learned more than once, if a girl’s gut tells her it thinks her date is absolutely and completely gay, no matter how nice and cool he is otherwise, she should listen because he quite probably plays for the other team. Read more

Tim

Posted on12 April 2011 | 4 comments

It always happens, without fail, that when I mention that I do online dating, people will often look shocked, horrified or otherwise aghast in horror. “Oh, my god, I could never, ever do that! It would be awful and horrifying and, well, I don’t have the balls to do that kind of thing!” They then want to hear all of the grisly details of the nightmare dates that I have been on and, well, honestly, there have been a few. But what they are looking for, and what they assume is the worst possible scenario, are stories of the men that are crazy creepy or so different from their profile as to be offensive. What I have found far worse, however, are the men that were that close to being my Prince Charming but just…weren’t. Those dates, like Tim, are scarier in a whole different way. Read more

Chuck

Posted on11 March 2011 | 16 comments

After the soul-crushing disaster that was Marcus, my psyche needed a month or so to repair itself. When I decided that my skin was thick enough to again dip my feet into the online dating pool, I went out of my way to make sure that my first candidate was going to be nice and safe with only a slight chance of being a total jerk. Chuck, a single dad that was a little older than me and from the Midwest, seemed like the type of guy who wouldn’t do mean things like surprise me with emails itemizing everything that was wrong with me. Chuck did end up giving me what is perhaps the biggest surprise in my online dating career but he was really, really nice about it. Read more

Marcus

Posted on22 February 2011 | 2 comments

“I have your real email – scared yet?” The subject line of Marcus’ first personal message to me should have perhaps been a red flag about his mental stability but, not having had the pleasure of meeting him yet in person, it seemed like harmless, flirting fun. Hindsight is always 20/20, especially with online dating, and I will give Marcus props because, yes, indeed, he did end up scaring me. Read more

Gregg

Posted on24 January 2011 | 4 comments

The first thing I noticed about Gregg’s profile is that he actually appeared to be a girl. Or, at least, in his main picture, Gregg was wearing a skirt. I thought maybe Match had gotten confused about whether I liked men or women but, when I investigated further, Gregg was just wearing a kilt, or as he informed me when I emailed him to ask about it, an Utilikilt. This was new territory for me! And he wasn’t even Scottish! Very intriguing. Gregg’s profile also mentioned that he had recently moved to Seattle from Texas where had grown up and gone to college. A guy that was comfortable wearing a skirt that hailed from one of the most conservative states in the country? I definitely had to find out more about this guy. Read more

Jonathon

Posted on12 January 2011 | 4 comments

After fending off the aging Cassanova Wild John and the schizophrenic Johnny, the last thing I was even remotely interested in was a guy whose name started with a ‘J’. It just did not seem to be working out for me. It was clearly time for another letter of the alphabet for my dating pool.  Wouldn’t luck have it, then, that I soon got an email from Jonathon and, dang it, he was pretty attractive.  Some rules seemed to be made to be broken. Read more

Johnny

Posted on14 December 2010 | 3 comments

Trying to date a geriatric liar was mentally exhausting and it did not get any easier when I found myself with not one but two more men on the scene named John. Keeping the details straight on three different guys was hard enough without them all going by the exact same name. I was going to have to put some sort of classification system in place. That much was clear. Wild John earned his moniker because, well, he was crazy, but Johnny made it easy by telling me that was the nickname his friends gave him because he could be a little ‘out of control’. Excellent. I was going to be lucky enough to date two mentally unstable guys! John number three, however, ‘Jonathan’, despite his boring nickname, turned out to be so obnoxious I declined the chance to even meet him. Read more

Wild John – The Retirement

Posted on22 November 2010 | 1 comments

Certain mind-control techniques and a massive amount of charm need to attributed to Wild John because I hopped right back on his motorcycle, almost perished once again on the return trip over the West Seattle Bridge and even agreed to keep seeing him. Looking back I can almost be impressed by the web he wove and the spells he cast but I am also baffled that I fell for it. It is not an experience I am incredibly proud of, falling for a 47-year-old, swaggering liar but such is the fun that is internet dating. Read more

Wild John Part II

Posted on15 November 2010 | 1 comments

When Wild John offered me the chance to ride in the ‘Batmobile’ I knew it was probably a dangerous idea but I was also thrilled to take a ride with a superhero. When would I get that chance again? What followed was the most exciting car experience of my life and, not counting the ride Wild John took me on across the West Seattle Bridge on his motorcycle, the closest I have come to dying. We only sped around for about five minutes but, just like methamphetamine, I was hooked with that first hit. Wild John was dangerous, didn’t believe in rules and he was the closest I would ever come to dating a racecar driver. What wasn’t to love? Read more

Wild John Part I

Posted on8 November 2010 | 0 comments

One of the hardest things to manage while being an online dater is remembering which details belong to which guy. It was rare that I actively dated more than three guys at once but, even then, trying to remember who had a masters degree and who had never been to college, who had five siblings and who had none, who had a shrimp allergy and who couldn’t eat peanuts – it was not an easy thing to keep all of these things straight. After some time, I did manage to hone the skill fairly well but even I was challenged when I ended up dating three men named ‘John’ at the same time. I was forced to come up with nicknames for each so that I could keep track of them in my head. John #1 became ‘Wild John’ and he lived up to that moniker and then some. Read more

Jace

Posted on22 October 2010 | 0 comments

In the online dating community, especially in Seattle, there is a bit of a preconceived notion about the demographic of the majority of the men that are out looking for ladies. White male, late-20’s/early 30’s, working in a tech-related field, perhaps not a lot of experience dating and a fairly decent income to go with that geeky career. He might also have a house or condominium with three or more bedrooms only one of which is furnished and used. I am making rash generalizations but probably 90% of the men that I have met online have at least 75% of those characteristics. That is obviously probably due in large part to what kind of guy I like and go for – geeks rule! – but I have talked to a few girls that don’t go for that type and have had a hard time finding men that fall outside those parameters. That works – more guys for me! – but even I sometimes reach my nerd-boy limit. Jace unfortunately pushed me over that edge. Read more

Sven

Posted on7 October 2010 | 3 comments

One of the bigger lessons I have had to learn while internet dating, and I am not sure I have completely gotten it down, is that there is a big difference between coincidence and karmic destiny. Sometimes it seems that the universe was trying to prove that a guy was the perfect match for me but, in the end, fate wasn’t really trying to tell me anything at all. Sven and I seemed to have a cosmic connection but, as disappointing as it was, really we just had a few things in common. And he gave such good presents…Damn it all. Read more

Kevin

Posted on20 September 2010 | 1 comments

Kareem Abdul J.D. seemed an apt nickname for Kevin, an extremely tall and also incredibly intelligent lawyer who came up next in the dating rotation. Kevin remains one of the smartest, wittiest guys I have dated yet also one of the most baffling. I still shake my head and I still do not know what exactly happened. Read more

Ethan

Posted on9 September 2010 | 4 comments

One of the negatives of online dating is that a girl meets so many, uh, interesting and unique personalities that when a nice, normal guy comes along, he can seem a little dull and unexciting. When I first met Ethan I wanted to bang my forehead on the table rather than continue our conversation but I was too afraid my perspective was off. There was a strong possibility that I didn’t know what normal meant anymore so I decided to give the whole Ethan and Kate thing a chance. Read more

Matthew

Posted on25 August 2010 | 1 comments

There are absolute down sides and up sides to internet dating. A definite drawback is that a person can seem totally cool on the phone and by email and then be a presumptuous ass in person.  Dating with less personal investment does mean, though, that you can be on a date, realize that said date is a presumptuous ass and be on another outing within an hour. Sometimes it is all about speed and efficiency. Read more

Trent

Posted on15 August 2010 | 3 comments

In going out on dates with over 100 guys, I have met some socially-questionable and awkward people. Trent was the first guy that I encountered that I really thought was insane. I am still not convinced that he didn’t escape from a local mental hospital just so he could have a date with me. Read more

Ed

Posted on2 August 2010 | 0 comments

With prose this charming, how could I possibly have let Ed go? Dating by force is always such a turn-on.  When I turned down his request to join him for a Tom Petty concert, I got this lovely email:

“That’s interesting (not really).  The way I see it, either you’re not into me and are too nice to say it directly, or you’re truly undecided (unlikely).  Either way, nothing in it for me.

If I’m wrong and there really might be some potential, let’s not waste any more time.  Let’s go out again soon, in the next week or so assuming schedules allow.  Otherwise, we can delete each other’s e-mail addresses.” Read more

Rick

Posted on19 July 2010 | 1 comments

Spitting is really gross. Watching your prospective date, unbeknownst to him, launch a throat-clearing wad into the parking lot, twice, on his way to meet you, is really, really gross. Rick was a decent guy but his lack of oral manners, in all regards, was not really something I could get past. Read more

Rob Part II

Posted on29 April 2010 | 3 comments

I always say that I will try anything once – fly fishing, sweetbreads, men with kids – but I draw the line at sleeping in a car. I am not homeless, I am not destitute, they have come up with a crazy invention called a bed…nope, I don’t need to sleep in a vehicle. I know that technically camping is sleeping in the dirt, more or less, but that is more about roasting marshmallows and drinking around a campfire. I knew that Rob and I were probably not going to be soul mates when he suggested, almost insisted, that we ‘save money’ and sleep in his car on a future trip.  For multiple nights. It took a lot of self-control to not yell, “NEXT!” when he threw out that idea. But, before that, we did have some good times. Read more

Doug

Posted on25 March 2010 | 4 comments

Football Fan Watching Game

I am going to write a book for guys who are trying to date online. I am going to write this book because there are things that you simply DON’T TALK ABOUT on the first few dates. For instance, Doug needed to be advised that it is a bit of a turn-off to hear a man talk about how skilled he is at stalking. Oh, you are really good at finding out a girl’s every activity on Match even though “she is trying to hide from” you? Those are reassuring words to hear. Really. Read more

Mike Part II

Posted on10 March 2010 | 0 comments

The day I headed to Mike’s house for the first time was sunny and beautiful in Seattle and I was filled with hope that maybe, just maybe, I had been wrong about his sexual orientation. I arrived at his house, got a welcome hug (of course!) and then a tour of his house. It was immaculate, beautifully furnished and full of cookbooks – volumes and volumes of cookbooks. The house was beautiful and I was definitely impressed although my mind was not being changed. I am not sure what I would have to have seen  – bear skin rug? a beer stein collection? – but the amazing decorating wasn’t doing the trick. Our dinner and movie were enjoyable but, again, I went home without anything more than a hug. Read more

Mike

Posted on18 February 2010 | 2 comments

I could probably write a book on psychoanalyzing someone based on their choice of coffee beverage.  Mike ordered a tall chamomile tea, unsweetened, with two cups. How…exciting. I could probably also write a book on the awkward time between when your date orders a beverage and is waiting for it to be made while you wait at the table trying to appear as if you are not watching them. Do they come and sit with you while they wait? Do they check their cell phone? Do they pretend to be fascinated reading the Starbucks nutritional brochure? That can be the longest three minutes ever. Mike at least came over to me before he ordered and introduced himself so I didn’t sit and wonder if that was him waiting in line. He was very cute – blue eyes, black hair and nicely dressed. I thought I detected a hint of a lisp when he was talking but it was pretty faint so I had to wait for him to come back with his lively drink to find out for sure. Read more

David

Posted on14 December 2009 | 1 comments

Before I met Mike, the excellent-cooking, marathon-running, fine-dining, non-cussing, quite-possibly gay man, I had a date with David.  This date was soon followed by what is quite possibly the most awkward conversation I have ever had in a parking lot.

I decided to meet David because he wooed me with goats. He noticed from my profile that I lived in Edmonds and, news to me, there was a big piece of property that was being ‘sustainably maintained’ by a herd of goats. After he mentioned it to me I went and took a look and, sure enough, he was right. I was not sure how I had missed a large pack of farm animals in my neighborhood but I was impressed that he could point out something new. Read more

Dan

Posted on29 November 2009 | 0 comments

Hmmm…what is worse? Having a date with a guy that didn’t care that his ex-girlfriend was quite possibly dead in a ditch somewhere or having a drink with a boooorrring frat boy wannabe? That is no kind of choice but, such is my luck, next up on the dating rotation – Dan! Read more

Marty

Posted on23 November 2009 | 2 comments

Hey, Marty.  I feel like I should tell you that it is a turn-off when you talk about your ex-girlfriend within 10 minutes of first meeting me. It is a real turn-off when you tell me that she is missing, as in should be on a milk carton missing, and you don’t seem to care at all. Hmmm…can’t figure out why I didn’t want to go on another date. Read more

Lloyd – The Breakup

Posted on4 November 2009 | 2 comments

For whatever reason, Lloyd had a strange power over me and I knew trying to break up with him in person would be next to impossible. I could easily see him getting angry, breaking something, crying – none of it ended well. I resisted the urge to break up by text or email. It is so much easier, emotionally, but it is a pretty cold thing to do to a person who you supposedly care about just a little. I decided to call Lloyd the Monday night after our ill-fated road trip and I agonized all day about making the call. While I was driving back to the office after lunch Lloyd called. Or, I should say, his daughter called on his cell phone to tell me that she missed me and wanted me to come over for dinner that night. Talk about a dagger through the heart. I could hear Lloyd in the background and my stomach just dropped. I told her to tell her dad that I would call him after work. Making it through this debacle without throwing up was quickly looking to not be an option. Read more

Lloyd Part III

Posted on23 September 2009 | 8 comments

If you ever want to do a fast-track relationship check, go on a road trip. There is nothing like being in a confined space trying to navigate around unfamiliar territory looking for another confined space to sleep in that really makes things crystal clear. My first and only road trip with Lloyd ended on a Sunday and I broke up with him on Monday. Read more

Lloyd Part II

Posted on4 September 2009 | 1 comments

When I look back at my brief yet thrilling whirlwind of a time with Lloyd I can’t help but think that the whole thing was about getting my ya-yas out. Everything about him and our time together was the exact opposite of how I usually did things and I needed to rebel. That is the only explanation I have for my behavior. Read more

Lloyd Part I

Posted on20 August 2009 | 2 comments

I knew from the first time I saw him that Lloyd was going to be an important part of my dating story. His picture on Match was very cute so I clicked on his profile. He was a scientist, played drums in a band and said he liked Mitch Hedburg, one of my very favorite comics of all time (r.i.p.). He sounded fantastic until I got to the part about him having two kids. Damnation!! My rules at the time were no kids, no republicans, no christians – no way. As cool as he sounded it was just a no go so I moved on and didn’t ‘wink’ or send him an email. Read more

Wes/Jim

Posted on30 July 2009 | 1 comments

An email to Grandma:

“Just after I emailed you about Lloyd I got a text from Artie. Lord. And an invite from Wes that I met today for a date this weekend. And an email from David asking for my phone # since he lost it. Too…many…men. And Matthew called me today from New York!” Read more

Matthew

Posted on12 June 2009 | 0 comments

I should have known things would not go well with a professed Yankee
fan. Once again, I had found myself another guy who loved to talk
sports. Matthew had grown up in New York and was therefore a huge
Yankees and New York Giants fan. He mentioned both of these facts in
his initial email and, while I thought I might have an allergic
reaction to someone who supported my least favorite baseball team,
Matthew seemed funny and could put a decent email together. I found
out that he worked in database management for a local company,
traveled frequently and was a huge sports nut. He said he didn’t like
to read much – boo – but he seemed cool enough to at least meet for a
drink. He was a little older than I usually went for but I was thinking it might not hurt to relax my age restrictions. Read more

Randy

Posted on5 June 2009 | 1 comments

Randy provided me with two new internet dating rules in one convenient package.

Rule #1 – Talking about sports is very fun but not if it is the only thing you discuss.

Rule # 2- Meeting sooner rather than later is a must.

There might be a third rule here, too. Even if a guy says that he is straight, if he is more feminine than I am, it is probably not going to work. Read more

Sandra

Posted on26 May 2009 | 1 comments

Random – not from a lesbian – please read!!!

Random is right. When an email with this subject line first showed up in my inbox I was very skeptical and almost didn’t open it. But, there is a not a lot of spam in Matchville so, my curiosity piqued,  I decided to open it.  The message was from Sandra, a woman that lived in the same town as I do, and she was new to the online dating scene.  She had two young kids and was going through a nasty divorce and scared to death to meet someone on a blind date. Her parents were convinced that she should just give up on the man idea, put on her chastity belt and raise her kids. There was no one for her to talk to and she was really desperate for some advice.  Would I mind meeting her for coffee so she could pick my brain and get some guidelines? Read more

Artie Part II

Posted on14 May 2009 | 0 comments

“You know we will both regret it if we sleep together.”

Artie dropped this little nugget of wisdom on what was probably our 6th or 7th date. We had done the usual ‘date activities’ including a Mariners game, dinner, a movie and bbq-ing at his house. I had even invited him up to my condo and he didn’t get weird or stalker-like. Things were going well and I quite liked him but something just wasn’t clicking. Every once in a great while he would disclose something fairly personal about himself but it was rare. Read more

Artie Part I

Posted on13 May 2009 | 0 comments

Artie was the fourth date that I had in four days and I was pretty man-exhausted. I was having a hard time remembering who worked where,  how many siblings they had, if they had been married, had they reproduced… I needed a rest. I met Artie at my favorite local Starbucks and I even sat at the same table that I had two dates before. I didn’t take that as a good sign. Read more

Daniel

Posted on8 May 2009 | 1 comments

You know what is fun? Going to a Mariners game. You know what is not fun? Going to a Mariners game with a guy and having him not utter more than one-word replies for the whole game. In case you are not a sports fan, baseball games are 3 hours long. Read more

Jim

Posted on6 May 2009 | 0 comments

Jim may win the prize for being the guy that, in person, turned out to be absolutely nothing like the guy I had pictured in my head. He first emailed me because there is a photo on my profile of me wearing a Wisconsin  hat at a Badgers football game. The ex was an alumni so we visited and went to a game and it is all very sporty.  I have gotten a ton of emails that mention that photo. A girl at a football game? That is worlds colliding in a good way for most men. Apparently Jim was from Wisconsin so he recognized the stadium but had to move out to Seattle for work and was now a Mariners/Seahawks/Sonics (r.i.p.)  fan. The main picture on his profile, and the only one that was any kind of close-up, showed Jim in a red Nebraska Huskers hat. Based on all of these details,  I pictured Jim as a total corn-fed, Midwest sports guy. I should have been tipped off when he mentioned a love of pho which I don’t think has even made an appearance in the red states. Read more

Jeremy

Posted on4 May 2009 | 0 comments

If you ever want to make yourself crazy, try to meet four new online dating prospects in four consecutive days. I didn’t think when I was setting the dates that it would be a problem but it really was an awful idea. Anyone that has had any serious online action will tell you that sometimes it is difficult to keep the contestants straight in your head. It is hard to remember all the careers, hometowns, undergrad college, pets, parents, siblings, locations lived, favorite restaurants, past relationships, etc., about a number of  people at once and not set yourself for some kind embarrassing gaffe. Read more

Thomas

Posted on1 May 2009 | 1 comments

Thomas gets the lone distinction of being the only person that has made me afraid that he knows where I live. After meeting 70+ men, I have come up with some general guidelines about the dating process. Because I like being alive and there are some weird people out there, I never, ever, ever invite someone over to my condo on a first date. That would be just plain stupid. But, starting out, I didn’t see any harm in inviting someone over on a second or third date. Oh, how naive I was. There are so many hidden meanings to having someone over that hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was unaware, for instance, that inviting a man to your house or agreeing to go to his place is the same as saying, “Yes, I will have sex with you.” Granted, I don’t think that and I know there are men that wouldn’t cop to thinking that but you kind of know the thought is there. It is the elephant in the bedroom, if you will. Read more

Ryan

Posted on30 April 2009 | 2 comments

My dad told me once that the thought of my going into a bar or restaurant and meeting someone for the first time made him feel sick to his stomach. Ryan would be a good reason for anyone to be ill.  Because of it’s proximity to his workplace (likely excuse!), Ryan suggested we meet at The Cheesecake Factory at Bellevue Square. For those of you not familiar with the Seattle vs. Eastside debate, let me just say that there is a bit of a consensus that the Eastside has a bit of a lack of soul and a taint of fakery to it. I grew up there so I can’t really say too much but it is kind of true. Bellevue Square, and The Cheesecake Factory, no less, might not be described as the most original of choices. I didn’t want to be snobby bitch girl, though, so I agreed. I should have run for the hills. Read more

Scott

Posted on29 April 2009 | 2 comments

This guy had huge teeth. Very nice, decent guy but he had some serious Mr. Ed action going on. I met him in the bar at  Canyon’s Restaurant where alcoholic drinks were imbibed. This was the start of my  guideline that alcohol is a great social lubricant and should be consumed on a first meeting if at all possible. I have had to add an addendum, though, that there is a two-drink maximum because, any  more than that, and anyone becomes more attractive. I need to have a little bit of good judgement left standing. Read more

Robert

Posted on28 April 2009 | 1 comments

Officially this was Bachelor #1. I was not at all feeling comfortable being back in the dating world after being in a relationship for almost six years with a cool guy I was still friends with. As I drove to meet Mr. Robert I felt like I was cheating on the ex even though we had been broken up for almost 3 months. It might say something that I called the ex on the way to the rendezvous spot to let him know who and where I was meeting this strange man just in case I was chopped up into little pieces. There is a reason we called it “Best Breakup Ever”. Even still, I was nervous as hell walking into that Starbucks. Read more